Picking the right Co-Founder

Re-Married

I was chatting with a friend the other day, he’s been around the block for 2 more decades than me. As we are talking about life, accomplishments and insights, he shared with me an interesting story. 

He mentioned that one of the best decisions he ever made was to re-marry his wife. Yes you read that right. Re-Marry. They had been married before and things did not work out initially, so they got divorced, spent years apart and eventually found back to each other and got married again.

He said something really beautiful: “Every morning when I wake up, I am so grateful to be with her, she’s the best that’s ever happened to me”. 

That deep appreciation and love got me thinking about my own marriage. 

Through good and bad..

We have now been married for 17 years. In this time a lot has happened!

• we moved 12 times, 4 continents, packed it all up again and again

• we are raising 2 children together

• we moved schools many times

• we settled in over and over again, made new friends, said goodbye to old ones

• I’ve had 2 major health scares, we lived through that

• we purchased properties, sold properties

• we went through difficult financial periods

• we succeeded together

• we laughed together harder than I’d ever laughed

• we cried together

• we fought about stuff, small and big, we made up

• we are still learning to exist in this unpredictable and increasingly scary world together. Our bond ever strengthening

I deeply appreciate my wife and love her like crazy. Many of my own successes and own growth would not be possible without her. There have been so many times when I was down, depressed, close to throwing it all in when she would pick me up and get me back on track. She’s never asked for much, she’s not materialistic, she’s kind, understanding, pretty as heck and wonderful to talk to. 

She’s the Co-Founder of our Family Inc. 

Co-Founder Interview

This gets me thinking... what are the traits of the perfect co-founder in business and what are the parallels to married life? Surprisingly similar:

1. Shared Vision and Passion - this one seems obvious, but I believe it’s super important to talk about this early in a relationship and continuously from then onward. What are our individual goals in life? Do I see myself as a parent one day? Would I live abroad? Are our individual goals for the life phase we’re in still aligned? Are they changing? Do we need to compromise? Where? How? Do we know what each others visions are?

2. Complementary Skills and Strength - this one is harder, its something that typically gets discovered over time. As we are going through parts of life together, these skills and strength will show up. Especially in tough times, when things are not easy, it’s a magnifying glass of how compatible these skills and strengths really are. 

3. Adaptability and Resilience - Life itself is an ever changing, organic things. Life in a relationship even more so. Building the ability and trust in oneself and the relationship to be adaptable and resilient is deeply important. Tough times will come, it’s not a question of ‘whether’, but ‘when’. 

4. Integrity and Trustworthiness - I think this one speaks for itself. Interestingly, it’s something that shows up as times goes by. Whether someone has integrity and is trustworthy has to be experienced. Sure, someone can claim that they are, but the proof is really in the pudding here. Again, especially difficult and trying times will be a magnifying glass of these abilities. 

5. Effective Communication and Collaboration - It feels like a cliché and is the baseline of any relationship self help book. The nuance here is ‘effective’. Not just talking a lot but also deeply understanding and making sense of things. Really listening with the intent to understand. Clearly stating one’s own needs and desires, even while possibly facing rejection. 

6. Passion and Dedication - It’s usually strong early on in a relationship and can slowly fade. It has to be nurtured, it required effort. It is partly a result out of the other 5 attributes above + the work both parties are willing to put in consistently. 

But Why

Why am I writing this and publishing it on the internet? It is partially an ode to my wife and to our relationship as well as another piece of insight how I look at life. Possibly there are some ideas or insights that may be valuable to others. 

Maybe you agree or disagree with what I am writing here. Maybe you have additional insights or ideas, maybe you discovered some of this for yourself. Send me a message, I love hearing from folks and learning about other perspectives and insights. 

<3 Ben